Whether you knew it or not, I have been living in New York City for over 7 months now and unfortunately am coming to the end of my road… for now at least. I move out in a little less than two weeks and realized recently, “wow, there’s a lot of ish I never did while I was here”. I know I still have some time left… so what, who cares! Dis is my blog.
Consider it listed. 

1. Ride the bus
I am the queen of the subway, all hail to me, the metro maven, the subway superstar, the train triumphant (alright you get it). I don’t do that bus stuff. Actually, I went on a bus once back in February but didn’t realize it was an express bus to the Bronx… so I made a little bit of a fool of myself when I was like “omg SOS I’m a bus n00b please let me off RIGHT NOW” when we were by 90th street. Oops, learned my lesson. And that lesson was to never ride the bus again. 

2. Open an oven
Ha! As people know, I’m not a renowned or experienced cook and have only slowly come to perfect the art of stir fry. To be completely honest, I don’t really care what I eat most of the time as long as it fulfills nutritional, caloric, and emotional (let’s be serious) needs. So about the oven… who needs ya! Seriously though, I never opened one. 

3. Wear heels
LOL. So I packed for New York back in January with the mind set of, “OMG I’m going to NYC and working in fashion and everyone is pretty and I’ll be going out in a non-college campus bubble so I will totally wear heels ‘n stuff”. WRONG. You can take the girl out of NH/the suburbs/St. Louis but you can’t make her wear heels. So I brought 3 pairs of heels here and ended up wearing 1 pair twice, for two fancy BG work events. I am who I am: a flats fiend.

4. Wear my flannel shirt
Go figure, right? I move to New York and later Brooklyn and don’t even wear my flannel shirt. 

5. Wear any of my flasses (fake + glasses, flasses)
See above. My “hipster” flasses (categorized by people who don’t know anything about anything hipster) that I’ve owned for a long time got absolutely no use. C’est la vie.

6. Get a haircut
I’m too poor* for that stuff! Luckily I employed my old self-taught haircutting skills from high school to maintain my bangs… but that’s about it.

7. Go above 100th street
Because… why would you? And honestly I only went that high once and it was in Central Park which doesn’t even count. If I was talkin’ the streetz, I would have never gone above 90th street and that’s only because family friends and SoulCycle are up there. Would you hate me if I said I was a Downtown Diva?

8. Step inside a Whole Food’s
Again, I’m too poor for that stuff! And honestly, I don’t really understand how everyone else isn’t too. Money is a weird thing when you think about it. Think about it. Maybe everyone is secretly dumpster diving and just stuffing it all in Whole Foods bags. Seriously though, fill me in on this stuff y’all. 

9. Stay out all night
This may be “the city that never sleeps”, which by the way is not true because pizza places close and when that happens what is the point of being alive awake? Anyway the latest I was ever out was 4:15 and that is just way to stressful for a morning person like me.

10. Venture to the Bronx
I had a big city to-do list with Bronx related activities like the Botanical Gardens and Zoo but I just never made it up there. It’s the NYC equivalent of going to Canada- it’s far, it’s foreign, it has questionable prices. However, I was able to make it to the other 4 boroughs which I think is more than a lot of people in “the city” can say. 

*”too poor”: Take this with a grain of salt. For example, I won’t buy quality food/a haircut, but I did spend $20 on 2/3 of the awful 50 Shades of Grey trilogy and enjoy indulging in unnecessary manicures. Vom, I shame myself. 

Also it should be noted that the self-flattering alliterations in this post came to 5.